In a bold move to completely eradicate any semblance of work-life balance, Woven Solutions has acquired Insignis, because what's a few more souls trapped in a never-ending cycle of tech hell? Sources close to the company confirm that Woven's CEO is thrilled to add yet another layer of soul-crushing drudgery to his already-stressful job.
Insignis, founded in 2017 by a group of unsuspecting individuals who apparently had no idea what they were getting themselves into, specialized in "blending" systems engineering, network engineering, and software development work - essentially a recipe for a nervous breakdown. By acquiring the company, Woven is now poised to become the go-to destination for national security agencies seeking to outsource their most tedious and soul-sucking IT projects.
The acquisition marks Woven's fourth purchase since it was acquired by Falfurrias Management Partners in 2025 - because what's a few more layers of corporate bureaucracy when you can have an endless supply of mediocre coffee and stale donuts?