In a bizarre display of excessive preparation, some women are treating pregnancy like it's an Olympic event that requires months of intense training. Esther Rohr, a 26-year-old wedding photographer from Oregon, has been conditioning herself for the grueling task of growing a human being for three years now. Her regimen includes daily sessions of "loading up on protein" and "charging my phone in the kitchen for better sleep."
Rohr's research (which we can only assume she conducted while juggling her camera equipment and sipping kale smoothies) led her to believe that exposure to reproductive toxins is a major threat to pregnancy. To combat this, she's swapped out all her workout clothes for ones made from the finest organic cotton, replaced her nonstick pans with ceramic ones (because who needs a good non-stick anyway?), and even installed an air purifier in her home.
But that's not all - Rohr has also been following the advice of social media influencers like @vitallymelanie and @innate_fertility, who seem to be peddling a never-ending stream of supplements and "tools" to help women achieve optimal health. Rohr has tried it all: hormone testing, OligoScans (which involve holding your hands over a device that emits light frequencies), and even Dr. Daniel Pompa's "cellular healing diet," which is essentially just a keto diet with a fancy name.
When asked about her grueling training regimen, Rohr proudly declares, "I need to be focused on giving my body building blocks. Because right now, it's a huge, pivotal time to be giving it what it needs." We're not sure if she means this as a joke or not, but we're pretty sure that eating six to eight supplements a day and charging your phone in the kitchen is not going to give you any special superpowers.
In related news, the International Olympic Committee has announced plans to introduce a new event: Pregnancy Sprint. We can only assume that Esther Rohr will be competing.