So you want to submit your precious thoughts and feelings to the esteemed Washington Post? Well, congratulations! You've made it through the hurdle of not being completely delusional or evil. But before you can share your genius with the world, you have to agree to follow some basic rules that even a 6-year-old could understand.
Don't be a copyright infringing, libel-spewing, pornographic-pandering, identity-thieving, hate-mongering monster. We mean it. Don't make us come after you with pitchforks and lawyers. (Although, let's be real, we'd probably just hire some AI to do the work for us.)
And please, for the love of all things good and holy, don't try to pass off your cat playing the piano as a Pulitzer-worthy masterpiece. We're not buying it.
Oh, and one more thing: no using artificial intelligence to create content that sounds like it was written by a sentient being with feelings. That's just cheating.
If you break any of these rules (and let's be real, we know you will), you'll have to take down your offending content faster than a teenager deleting their Instagram posts after a bad breakup. And don't even get us started on the indemnification part – basically, if someone sues us because of something you posted, you're going to have to pay our lawyers' salaries for the rest of eternity.
But wait, there's more! If you're under 18, your parent or guardian has to give their explicit consent for you to post anything. Because we all know how responsible kids are these days (said no one ever).
And if you're planning on submitting content featuring minors, don't even think about it unless you've got the parents' permission and a hazmat suit to protect yourself from the ensuing drama.
Lastly, just remember that everything you submit is basically your baby, and we get to do whatever we want with it. So go ahead, share your thoughts, and let us exploit them for our own nefarious purposes.