In celebration of Volkswagen's 65-year anniversary (which is actually just 30 years longer than it should be considered a "new" company), VW of America decided to dig up some of its most heinous, vomit-inducing vehicles from the past and force journalists to drive them. Because who doesn't love being reminded of how far we've come in terms of automotive design?
Among the atrocities on display were two cars that will make you question the very fabric of existence: the Scirocco and Corrado. These abominations are like a cruel joke played on humanity by some sadistic designer who had a bad acid trip.
The Scirocco, with its sleek (and I use that term loosely) design, was the result of VW's attempt to create something sporty in the 1970s. It failed miserably, but hey, at least it was light and cheap – like the soul of whoever decided to give it a name.
In its time, the Scirocco was pitted against some actual cars from GM and Toyota, and somehow managed to come out on top by being the least terrible in a group of also-rans. The Motor Trend comparison test described it as "not in the same game as the Monza," which is just VW's way of saying, "Yeah, we tried, but nope."
Fast-forward to 1981, and the Scirocco had grown a liter bigger and gained some torque – but still only 70 horsepower. Because who needs power when you can have a guttural engine note that sounds like a dying animal? The Bosch K-Jetronic fuel injection system was so advanced for its time that it could barely manage to keep the car running without stalling.
The Corrado, on the other hand, was VW's attempt at creating a real sports car. Or so they thought. With a name derived from the Spanish word for "to run or sprint," this monstrosity was actually just a Scirocco with a supercharger bolted onto it. Because what's more sporty than taking a slow, clunky car and adding some boost to make it sound like a dying animal too?
The Corrado was initially praised for its performance – until people realized that the engine lacked refinement and "no sex appeal." I mean, who needs sex appeal when you're driving a car that looks like it was designed by a committee of accountants?
In 1992, VW decided to fix this problem by replacing the supercharged engine with a VR6. Because what's more appealing than taking two small engines and merging them into one big one? It worked wonders for refinement, but didn't quite fix the problem of being stuck in traffic.
Driving a 1990 Corrado today is like reliving the glory days of terrible design. The shifter is knackered, the engine sounds like a Jeeplike contraption from a bad sci-fi movie, and the interior is still somehow cheaper-looking than a Scirocco's. At least it has some V-rated tires to keep you from spinning out on tight corners – assuming your body can handle the intense cornering forces that will likely lift an inside rear wheel.
All in all, VW's 65-year anniversary celebration was a testament to how far we've come in terms of automotive design. Or not. Either way, it's been fun watching these ancient cars stumble around on their outdated tires, reminding us of how much better off we are today – except for the part where some people still own and drive them.