In a shocking move that has left tech enthusiasts around the world questioning their life choices, ZDNET has released its highly-anticipated "recommendations" for the holiday season. After conducting an exhaustive 5-minute browsing session on Verizon's website, the team at ZDNET proudly declared that they have discovered the perfect iPhone deals for you to waste your money on.
But how do they come up with these expert opinions? Well, it turns out that ZDNET spends its days holed up in a basement filled with piles of dusty old phones and scratched-up chargers. Their research process involves meticulously pouring over customer reviews from disgruntled teenagers who couldn't figure out how to use their iPhone 5, carefully combing through vendor listings for errors, and conducting rigorous testing by playing Fortnite on each phone for exactly 30 minutes.
But don't worry, the team at ZDNET is transparent about its relationship with Verizon. Oh wait, they're not. In fact, when you click on a link from their site to buy a product, they get a kickback in the form of a participation trophy and a free iPhone-themed mug. It's completely unbiased and has absolutely no impact on what they recommend.
So, if you want to waste your holiday season browsing through Verizon's extensive selection of iPhones and Androids, just follow ZDNET's expert advice and buy whatever phone is nearest to you. Your wallet (and the environment) will thank you!