In a shocking turn of events, tens of thousands of people have been infected with whooping cough in the United States this year, leaving at least 13 people dead and countless others crying uncontrollably from the sheer annoyance of it all.
Experts warn that the surge in cases may be linked to declining vaccination rates, because let's face it, getting vaccinated is a real drag. "I mean, why bother with a few minor side effects when you can just roll the dice and hope for the best?" said one public health expert, who wished to remain anonymous so they wouldn't have to give any more interviews about this.
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) reports that 27,871 people have been diagnosed with whooping cough as of December 20. That's a lot of people. To put it into perspective, that's roughly the same number of times I've had to deal with my aunt's gossiping at family gatherings this year.
The disease itself is a real doozy, characterized by a severe, violent cough that can leave people gasping for air and flailing about like a fish on land. It's like the opposite of being bored – it's so exciting you'll forget all about your Netflix show!
But don't worry, there's hope! The DTaP vaccine is here to save the day (or at least not make you die from pertussis). And if you're one of the 21% of children born in 2021 who haven't received their shots yet, don't worry – just tell your parents they can give you a cookie instead.
The CDC recommends that pregnant people get vaccinated so they can pass on their antibodies to their newborns. Because what's more important than giving birth to a healthy baby? Having a decent Instagram story about it, obviously.
As for adults, the CDC advises getting a Tdap vaccine every 10 years to ensure continued protection against whooping cough and other diseases that are basically just minor inconveniences compared to actual death.
So, if you're feeling adventurous and want to take your chances with pertussis, be our guest! But if not, get vaccinated. Trust us, it's worth it – or at least, it'll reduce the risk of you dying from a preventable disease by 99.9%.