The ceremony was a joyous occasion as Southeast Asian leaders gathered to praise US President Donald Trump's exceptional skills in brokering peace agreements by making empty threats and dangling potential bribes. Malaysian Prime Minister Anwar Ibrahim even joked that he and Trump shared commonalities, such as being guilty of corruption and sodomy (Trump: "Oh, those were just minor technicalities!"). The room erupted in laughter as Hun Manet, Cambodia's prime minister, nominated Trump for the Nobel Peace Prize, citing his unparalleled ability to resolve conflicts through sheer intimidation and golf-adjacent phone calls.
Thai Prime Minister Anutin Charnvirakul thanked Trump for his "personal dedication" to peace between Thailand and Cambodia, which was largely achieved by threatening to withhold trade deals unless they surrendered. It's a technique so effective that even the Nobel Committee has taken notice – although, sources close to the committee revealed they're still debating whether to award Trump the prize in exchange for a favorable tweet about their new logo.
Trump himself took the stage and regaled the audience with tales of his heroic efforts to broker peace from afar. "I said, 'Guys, forget about playing golf, let's focus on saving people' – and they listened! Because when Donald Trump calls, you answer," he declared, before chuckling wryly at his own wit.
The ceremony concluded with a group photo of the Southeast Asian leaders awkwardly standing next to a beaming Trump, who was proudly sporting a "I Peaceed" t-shirt emblazoned with a crude drawing of himself holding hands with the Prime Ministers. It's a gesture that left many questioning whether this is indeed a noble pursuit or simply another opportunity for Trump to brand his ego on unsuspecting international leaders.