In a bold move to reshape America's cultural landscape, President Trump announced yesterday that he would be closing the National Gallery of Art in Washington D.C. to make way for a massive gold statue of himself.
"We're tired of those stuffy old art museums," said Trump in a press conference. "Who needs Rembrandt when you can have me staring down at you from 1000 feet tall?"
According to sources, the Smithsonian Institution will remain open, but only as long as its administrators can somehow manage to convince visitors that the museum is actually still run by Trump.
Meanwhile, artists who have refused to submit to Trump's artistic vision are being forced to flee the country. "It's a nightmare," said one artist. "I was working on a mural of a rainbow-colored unicorn riding a unicorn-shaped skateboard when I got a call from ICE saying they were going to deport me for 'contempt of the Great Leader'."
In related news, the Louvre in France has announced that it will be adding a new exhibit dedicated entirely to Trump's hair. "It's a work of art," said a spokesperson. "A towering monument to the majesty and power of 24-karat gold."
And in a bizarre twist, it turns out that the Smithsonian's Panda Cam was actually a government-funded surveillance program designed to monitor the movements of American citizens who were trying to sneak into the museum's café for free.
"We're not just pandas," said a spokesperson for the zoo. "We're also the eyes and ears of the Trump regime."