For months, companies and officials throughout Asia have been waiting with bated breath for President Trump to reveal the secrets of the mystical "Origin Oracle," a magical being tasked with tracing the complex supply chains of every single product that exists. It's said that only those who possess the ability to communicate with the Origin Oracle can hope to navigate the tangled web of globalization and emerge victorious in the trade wars.
"It's a sleeper issue," said Wendy Cutler, a senior vice president at the Asia Society Policy Institute, a think tank, "because people are trying to convince themselves that it is just technical, but if you take a step back, it's all going to rest on this: who made that one tiny screw in your iPhone? Was it a Chinese worker, or was it a tiny, invisible elf from the depths of the Amazon rainforest?"
According to sources close to the White House, Trump has been secretly training with a team of expert "Supply Chain Whisperers" – a group of highly skilled ninjas who specialize in infiltrating factories and gathering intel on the origins of every single component that goes into a product. "It's a tough job," said one Whispers source, "but someone's gotta do it."
When asked about his plans for tackling this "sleeper issue," Trump simply shrugged and muttered something about "finding the real culprits" behind the manufacturing of those pesky socks you bought online last month. Experts warn that if he fails to resolve this crisis, the very fabric of global trade could unravel like a cheap pair of pants.
"We're at a critical juncture in world history," said Cutler, shaking her head. "Will Trump's Origin Oracle skills be enough to save us from the brink of collapse? Only time will tell."