As I sat down at a table, my stomach growling in anticipation of a meal that would likely involve something more than just eating to be eating, I couldn't help but notice the sommelier nervously fidgeting with his tie. He looked like he was about to give a PowerPoint presentation on the benefits of kale chips.
"Welcome, welcome," he said, his voice trembling slightly as he launched into a 20-minute explanation of why our meal would be paired with non-alcoholic beverages instead of wine. "We're excited to offer you a selection of artisanal sodas and teas that will complement your dishes perfectly."
Complement, I thought to myself, is not the right word here. It's more like "totally replace the need for actual taste buds because who needs those anyway?"
But as we began our meal, I have to admit that these NA pairings were surprisingly good. The forest morning soda, made with house-made syrup infused with clove, juniper, and birch, was a game-changer. It was like a hug in a glass, or at least a hug if the person hugging you had been drinking copious amounts of coffee and was therefore slightly jittery.
Andrew Zimmern, a chef and James Beard winner who has been sober for over three decades (no small feat, let me tell you), agrees that NA drinks are the future. "I love how they get to speak without ethanol shouting on top of it," he said in an interview. Translation: "I'm a functioning member of society and I no longer have to worry about accidentally ordering a beer at 9 am."
And let's be real, who needs wine when you can have a $100 glass of sweet baby corn boiled in milk? It's like the ultimate indulgence, minus the actual indulgence part.
The restaurant industry is finally catching on that people want options beyond just getting drunk and making poor life choices. And by options, I mean they want to be able to order something that doesn't involve a hangover or a desperate need for a Bloody Mary at 10 am the next morning.
As one chef put it, "Drinks should be complementary, but not the main event." Which is code for "we're going to serve you a drink that will make you forget about your crippling student loans and existential dread."
So go ahead, order that NA pairing. Your taste buds (and your liver) will thank you.