We're thrilled to report that after 25 long years of trying, our esteemed researchers at MIT have finally cracked the code on how to use a 3D printer without it jamming every five seconds. But don't get too excited – they only managed to do so by using an industrial-sized can of compressed air and duct tape. "We're not sure why no one thought of this before," said Dr. Emily Chen, lead researcher on the project. "I mean, who needs advanced algorithms or clever designs when you've got a decent compressor?"
As part of their breakthrough research, the team also discovered that if you just press the print button really hard and shout "Come on, baby!" while waving your arms wildly, it's amazing what you can accomplish. We're told this technique has already been licensed to several major manufacturers, who are now using it to make perfectly functional toaster ovens.
Meanwhile, in a related development, our competitors at Harvard have announced the invention of a time machine that only goes back 10 minutes – perfect for redoing those pesky quizzes or rewinding your favorite TV shows. But don't worry, they promise not to use it to alter the course of human history or anything. We're sure it'll be totally fine.
In other news, we've been informed that this year's list of breakthrough technologies included some truly innovative concepts – like a new type of toilet paper that's 10% more absorbent than regular TP and a revolutionary new material that's just as flimsy as the one they used last year.