In a bold move that will surely shake the very foundations of the tech industry, Apple has released its latest MacBook Pro, featuring the same exact design as the previous 12 MacBook Pros. Because who needs change when you can just rebrand the same old thing?
The new M5 chip promises to deliver "over 4x the peak GPU compute performance" compared to its predecessor, which is a fancy way of saying it's still not fast enough for professional users. But hey, at least the Neural Accelerators in each core will make your cat videos render faster!
And don't even get me started on the new 4TB SSD option, because who needs that much storage when you can just buy an external hard drive and pretend like you're a responsible adult? It'll cost you an extra grand, but trust us, it's worth it.
But wait, there's more! If you live in the UK or Europe, congratulations, you get to pay even more for your MacBook Pro because Apple has decided not to include a 70W power adapter in the box. That's right, folks, now you'll have to shell out an extra £59 for something that used to come free with every purchase. Because nothing says "value" like paying twice as much for the same product.
And don't even get us started on the lack of major design upgrades. We're talking about a company that makes cars out of glass and aluminum, and yet they can't be bothered to give their laptop a new coat of paint. It's almost like they're trying to make it look like last season's model.
But hey, at least the prices are still the same! Because who needs innovation when you can just keep charging people the same amount of money for the same old product? The M5 MacBook Pro is available now for the low, low price of $1,599 - a small fraction of what it'll cost to upgrade your computer in 10 years.
Pre-order now and join the ranks of the tech elite!