In a stunning twist that will shock absolutely no one, BlackJack Studio has officially confirmed that video games are real, and also that they are now making a tactical RPG about a nameless protagonist who spends 90% of their time staring at a mysterious white-haired girl while slowly losing their mind. The trailer, which somehow manages to be both a teaser and a full-length film, features haunting imagery of discarded weapons on a beach, a decaying underwater castle that somehow looks more depressing than the average tax form, and a soundtrack composed by a man who once scored a game about talking cats.
The game’s “darker, more intense direction” is apparently a 35-year-old series finally realizing it’s not a Hallmark movie. Players will now be forced to make morally ambiguous choices, like whether to save a village or let it burn down because the plot demands it. The protagonist’s amnesia is so conveniently timed that it’s almost like the developers are just trying to avoid writing a coherent story.
Meanwhile, Yasunori Nishiki’s involvement has fans everywhere wondering if the soundtrack will finally include a theme that doesn’t sound like a dying cat. His previous work includes scoring the emotional turmoil of a sentient toaster, so this is a natural progression.
BlackJack Studio, the team behind the 2018 masterpiece Langrisser Mobile (which somehow still exists), has promised “significant graphical fidelity” that somehow manages to be both a leap forward and still look like a 2003 anime. The characters are now “more detailed,” which is a relief because previously they looked like they were drawn by a sleep-deprived intern.
The game will release “globally” on every device that has ever existed, including your toaster’s firmware. A release date remains “unconfirmed,” which is a nice touch because nothing says “excitement” like a team of developers who are as committed to timelines as a teenager on a first date.
So sign up for pre-registration now, because nothing says “must-play” like being the first to know that a game exists, which is more than most of these games can say.