In a shocking turn of events that has left exactly nobody surprised, Ask.com has officially closed its doors after almost 30 years of doing absolutely nothing of note. The search engine, which was once the go-to destination for geriatric millennials who still use Internet Explorer, has finally realized that it's time to hang up its monocle and retire.
According to sources close to the company (okay, it was just a dude in HR), Ask.com's parent company IAC decided to "sharpen its focus" on more important things, like polishing the CEO's golf clubs. As a result, the website has been replaced with a heartfelt farewell message from Jeeves himself, assuring users that his "spirit endures" even though he's no longer employed.
"We are deeply grateful to the millions of users who asked us questions we had no idea how to answer," reads the message. "And to our brilliant engineers and designers who managed to keep this thing afloat for nearly three decades without doing anything remotely innovative, thank you for your service."
In related news, Google has announced plans to launch its own line of bespoke butlers, complete with tailored suits and impeccable manners. The move is seen as a direct response to Ask.com's failure to capitalize on the AI chatbot trend.
Meanwhile, Wiz Khalifa has released a new music video featuring Jeeves in a cameo role, where he's seen performing a dramatic reading of the entirety of Wikipedia while riding a unicorn through a field of nachos. It's unclear whether this is a attempt to revive the Ask.com brand or just a desperate cry for help from Wiz Khalifa's publicist.
Either way, it's clear that Jeeves' legacy lives on – in the hearts of people who still remember what a search engine was.