After years of speculation, patent filings, and prototype rumors, Apple has finally decided to join the foldable phone party. Because what everyone really needs is a $2,000+ smartphone that's basically just an iPad in their pocket.
The iPhone Ultra will feature a 5.5-inch outer screen and a 7.8-inch inner display because who needs portability when you can have a tablet-sized device that fits into your jeans like a awkwardly-shaped brick? And don't even get us started on the "crease-free" design, because Apple is clearly obsessed with making foldable phones that are so rigid they'll make you question the very fabric of reality.
But hey, at least it'll have 12GB of RAM and a battery capacity that's almost as large as a small child. And if you're worried about security, don't worry – Face ID will be replaced by Touch ID, because nothing says "secure" like a power button with a fingerprint sensor on it.
The price? Well, let's just say you'll need to mortgage your house and sell your kidney on the black market to afford this thing. But hey, at least you'll have an iPad in your pocket, right?
And don't even get us started on the launch strategy, which involves unveiling the phone in September but delaying actual shipments until December because, you know, "quality standards". Yeah, that's it.
In conclusion, the iPhone Ultra is just a fancy way of saying "We're Finally Breaking". And by breaking, we mean Apple is finally succumbing to the pressure of keeping up with Samsung and Google.