I Got A Home Valuation And It Said I Could Sell My House For Free

December 08, 2025 · Lexi Con

U.S. News has partnered with HomeLight to create an algorithm so sophisticated, it's like they hired a team of ninja accountants who specialize in calculating home values while performing backflips on a tightrope over a pool of sharks.

These automated valuation models (AVMs) are fed a diet of millions of real estate transactions and can estimate your home's value with the accuracy of a Magic 8-Ball. But don't worry, U.S. News is here to fill in those pesky gaps of crucial information that AVMS inevitably leave blank, like "the number of unicorns living on the property" or "the secret password to unlock the invisible pantry."

When you request an estimate, they'll ask a few questions about your home, like what color the walls are painted (bonus points if it's a bold shade of plaid) and whether you've got any exotic pets that could potentially be sold at auction. Then, voilà! You'll receive a "Simple Sale" price, which is basically just a fancy term for "we're willing to give you 90-95% of your home's market value in cash, but only if you agree to buy us a round of drinks and do the chicken dance on live TV."

But wait, there's more! If you want to get really serious about selling your house, they'll hook you up with one of their top real estate agents, who will provide a comparative market analysis based on your property and the latest trends in your local real estate market. Because what could possibly go wrong with that?

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