In a shocking turn of events, 61-year-old widow and renowned animal lover Terri Irwin has been reduced to crying herself to sleep every night because all the eligible bachelors in Hollywood are clamoring for her attention. Sources close to the situation claim that Irwin's newfound fame as "The Widow Who Still Looks Good" has made her a hot commodity among the dating scene.
"It's like she's a human meme, but instead of being funny, it's just sad," said one insider. "Guys are hitting her up left and right with dates to romantic dinners, candlelit picnics, and even the occasional visit to the zoo, where they can watch her reminisce about Steve's stingray-induced demise."
According to sources, Irwin has been treating herself to regular facials, hair extensions, and a carefully curated Instagram aesthetic that showcases her... well, her. "It's like she's trying out for a role in a 1950s romance novel," said another insider. "She's got the whole 'lonely widow with a penchant for animals' thing down pat."
Despite being "very open" about never wanting to date anyone who could possibly replace Steve Irwin, Terri has been secretly pining away for Russell Crowe since his brief stint as her neighbor in 2008. Sources claim that Crowe has been politely declining her advances because he's still traumatized from their one and only dinner date, where she spent the entire evening crying about her late husband.
Meanwhile, Robert Irwin's burgeoning career on Dancing With the Stars is providing his mom with an endless supply of eligible bachelors, all of whom are eager to score a date with the Widow of Crocodile Hunter fame. "It's like they're trying to win a prize," said one insider. "And by 'prize,' I mean Terri's undying affection and possibly a free trip to the Australia Zoo."