As the nation collectively yawns and checks their phone for any new notifications, it's clear that the counterculture has officially gone MIA. Gone are the days of bold artistic expression and daring dissent – now we're stuck with a sea of influencers peddling overpriced tequila brands to anyone who'll listen.
The culprit? The technocracy, of course. Billionaires like Elon Musk have seen to it that our democracy is reduced to a mere spectator sport, where we're forced to watch as the algorithmic marketplace of attention dictates what's "verified" and what's not. And let's be real, folks – if you're not getting likes on Instagram, does your art even matter?
But fear not! A new counterculture may be emerging, one that's all about being authentic (read: fake) and connecting with others offline (just don't expect anyone to actually meet up in person). It's a movement led by the likes of Molly Tuttle and Paul Thomas Anderson, who are bravely pushing back against the tide of corporate pieties and nostalgic for an oppositional, risk-taking tradition that treats art as a site of resistance rather than the stale bromide of assimilation.
And if all else fails, we can always count on David Bowie's 1987 Berlin concert to inspire us. After all, what's more countercultural than singing along to "Heroes" with thousands of East Berlin kids behind the wall?
In other news, Nikki Glaser has announced plans to launch her own line of tequila-flavored candles – because what's more rebellious than that?