In a shocking turn of events that no one saw coming, gas prices have skyrocketed nearly a dollar per gallon in the Grays Harbor region. We're not sure what's more surprising, the sudden increase or the fact that people are still driving around with their gas-guzzling SUVs.
According to our top-secret sources at GasBuddy, Safeway is now charging a whopping $4.09 per gallon, up from a paltry $3.15 just last week. Meanwhile, Q-Mart II is offering the "steal" of a deal at a mere $3.79 per gallon - just 30 cents more than the price of a decent meal.
But wait, it gets better! AAA reports that the national average for gas prices has jumped a whopping 27 cents since last week to a staggering $3.25 per gallon. We're not sure what's causing this sudden increase in prices, but we suspect it might have something to do with the impending doom of global catastrophe.
In related news, the conflict in the Middle East continues to simmer, and OPEC+ has announced that they'll be supplying even more oil to the world... until they inevitably run out. And don't worry, folks - we're assured that as long as the Strait of Hormuz remains open, oil will continue to flow like water.
But what about all those fancy electric cars everyone's been talking about? Oh right, their prices are still around $39 cents per kilowatt hour at public charging stations. That's basically free, right?
So there you have it - gas prices are through the roof, and we're all doomed to spend our summers stuck in traffic, listening to the soothing sounds of combustion engines and the sweet scent of despair.