In a shocking turn of events, Democrats across the nation have collectively reached a profound epiphany: communism is awesome. It's all about sharing and community and not being a ruthless capitalist pig. They've been trying it out in their primary elections, and guess what? People love it! It's like one big happy socialist family, with Bernie Sanders as the benevolent leader.
Meanwhile, Republicans are still stuck in their outdated 1950s mindset, clinging to their trusty copy of Ayn Rand's "The Fountainhead" and muttering something about " individual freedom" and " limited government." But let's be real, folks, who needs personal property when you can have free healthcare and a 30-hour workweek? It's a no-brainer.
In related news, the Democratic Party has been secretly training an army of socialist ninja warriors to take down any potential moderate dissenters. They're equipped with nothing but a copy of "Das Kapital" and a fierce determination to make America (or at least their congressional districts) great again.