In a move that's either pure genius or an existential threat to humanity, R3 Inc., a stealthy startup, has been quietly pitching the idea of creating brainless human clones to serve as spare organs for the rich and privileged. Because what could possibly go wrong with that? The company claims its ultimate goal is to "defeat aging," but let's be real, folks, it's all about selling expensive cloning services to the 1%.
At a recent $70,000-per-ticket event in Boston, where attendees paid top dollar for anti-aging advice from Peter Diamandis and his friends, R3 cofounders Schloendorn and Gilman pitched their "full body replacement" plan, complete with slides and diagrams of cloning needles. Because nothing says "responsible innovation" like a startup that's willing to get its hands dirty.
But don't worry, say the founders – they're just having hypothetical discussions about creating brainless human clones. Yeah, right. In fact, their technical road map for "body replacement cloning" is so detailed it includes genetic wiring diagrams for creating animals without complete brains. Because who needs a functioning brain to live, anyway?
And don't even get them started on the ethics of using monkeys as spare organ donors in the Caribbean. That's just good old-fashioned medical progress, folks! Schloendorn's connections to Silicon Valley and his success at raising money from investors have earned him a reputation as a visionary – or a mad scientist, depending on who you ask.
But one thing's for sure: if R3 gets its way, the future of humanity will be a never-ending supply of brainless clones just waiting to be harvested for their organs. So go ahead and live it up while you still can, because when the apocalypse comes in the form of a spare kidney shortage, you'll know who to blame.
As Jose Cibelli, a researcher at Michigan State University, so wisely put it: "How do you demonstrate safety? What is safety when you're trying to create an abnormal human?" Ah, but what's a few ethics concerns when there are profits to be made and aging to be defeated?