In a bold move to salvage what was quickly becoming a desolate wasteland, Disney has announced that they're bringing back characters from the original Star Wars trilogy to their Galaxy's Edge attraction at Disneyland. Because, you know, nothing screams "immersive experience" like a bunch of geriatric space wizards who are more familiar with bell-bottom jeans and platform shoes than hyperspace jumps.
Starting April 29, Darth Vader will be joining the ranks of Rey Skywalker and Kylo Ren in Batuu, because what's a Star Wars experience without a healthy dose of intergalactic angst and existential dread? Han Solo will also be making an appearance, but only to complain about the lack of decent space food on the planet. And let's not forget Princess Leia, who'll be there to... well, actually, we're not entirely sure what she'll be doing, but it'll probably involve hair-braiding and moral lectures.
In a bizarre twist, Disney is replacing the land's ambient soundscape with John Williams' film scores, because nothing says "galactic trading post" like a bunch of orchestral fanfares and spaceship battle sound effects. It's like they're trying to create an experience that's somehow both nostalgic and forgetful at the same time.
The addition of these classic characters is a clear attempt to pander to older fans who still have their original trilogy merchandise stored in the attic. You know, the ones who are now too old to climb into their Millennium Falcon costumes but will still shell out $200 for a limited edition Han Solo action figure. It's a bold move, but we're not sure if it'll be enough to revive the park's dwindling attendance numbers... or at least, until they realize that Boba Fett is just a glorified bounty hunter with a sweet helmet.