We just can't get enough of watching characters' feelings get waterboarded onto us like a bucket of soggy nacho cheese. The Irregular at Magic High School THE MOVIE - Yotsuba Succession Arc is the latest abomination to do this, and we're not sure what's more disturbing: the overwrought plot or the number of times Tatsuya and Miyuki look longingly into each other's eyes.
This movie, which we can only assume was made by a time-traveling romance novelist from the 1990s, serves as the emotional capstone to the story so far. And what a crushing weight it is. The truth behind these two magical high school students' origins is laid bare - and honestly, who needs that much backstory? They're magic users in a high school! Can't they just cast a spell to make their feelings not hurt so much?
But no, we get treated to an hour and a half of angsty hand-holding, where the main characters' feelings for each other are "laid bare" like a tenderloin at a cafeteria salad bar. We're talking deep breaths, folks. Tatsuya's eyes well up with tears as Miyuki gently strokes his shoulder while whispering sweet nothings into his ear. It's enough to make you want to cast a spell of emotional numbing on the entire movie.
And don't even get us started on Yotsuba - we're pretty sure that name is just a clever marketing ploy to distract from the crushing bleakness of it all. "Hey, let's call this arc 'Yotsuba' so people think it's about a cute kid, not actually about two guys' emotional trauma!" It's like when your aunt tries to pawn off her questionable cooking on you by calling it "artisanal."
Anyway, if you enjoy being emotionally manipulated and want to watch two high school students cry their eyes out over each other, then The Irregular at Magic High School THE MOVIE - Yotsuba Succession Arc is the movie for you! Just don't say we didn't warn you.